Monday, October 6, 2014

your bottom dollar

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

But I am worried about tomorrow. Or at least nervous.

Tomorrow our company releases its new job descriptions for the newsroom. Tomorrow we learn how many jobs there will be at the end of the month.

Tomorrow we start the process of choosing two new jobs to apply for. We start preparing for interviews that are just two weeks away. We start seeing each other as competition rather than just friends -- or at the very least, co-workers. 

Tomorrow we lose some of the uncertainty that has plagued us this last month or so, but not really any of the stress. Maybe it intensifies. I don't know.

Because this is today, not tomorrow.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

hello out there

Hey, remember when I used to update this?

I'm about to get back to that.

Friday, March 21, 2014

i hope you dance

Dear Avery,

I hope you get your daddy's tan skin, laid-back nature and passion for the outdoors, but maybe not his nose.

I hope you get my fascination for the written word, my green eyes and country twang, but none of my worries.

I hope you get his athletic ability and mine to spell. I hope you love to learn and explore like us both.

I hope you inherit a love for life, a love for others and a love for yourself so deep no one can reach.

I hope you get the best of us and so much more.

Most of all, I hope you're wholly you. Because that's better than anything.

--Mommy

Saturday, January 11, 2014

songs about rain

Loss.

Now there’s a four-letter word for you.

It’s one that’s been on my mind due to events the last few weeks.

A guy I grew up with killed himself on New Year’s Day. He was 28. His older brother and mine were best friends in high school (meaning Chase and I were much younger) and still are very close. When you’re too young to drive and you adore your older brothers, you tag along everywhere, meaning we younger siblings got grouped together. And he was two years older than me and just “so cute,” so of course I had a crush.

I hadn’t seen him in years -- about five, I think, because I remember talking with him at his older brother’s wedding about two weeks before mine. Between the bond we once had and my pregnancy hormones, I did not take the news well.

Due to the nature of his death and his living in Texas at the time, it took several days before arrangements were made, so I couldn’t make the funeral in Sulphur that was in the middle of this week. I hate that I didn’t get to see his mom, or that Wes didn’t because she just adored him when we were kids. But that could have made the loss of her son hurt more. Who knows?

Mom went for all of us, and Bill and Jackie went, of course. Mom called me after and just said, “He looked so young, Leigh,” and I started crying all over again.

The loss of a life is so sad, but the young ones hit me really hard. I’m sure they do to most people. It might be even worse now that I’m growing a young one inside of me. These losses are so hard to understand -- and for some reason, we seem to need to understand -- and so hard to accept, to move on from, to heal. What makes his death harder for me to comprehend is that it seems to have been his choice. Jackie, who grew up down the road from the two brothers, told me she always thought he was the one who had never quite figured out his place in the world, even though he seemed to have been doing well lately. And I would agree. I had no idea that depression or anything so serious as to lead to suicide was in there, but obviously it was. And I’m so, so sorry it was.

The day after I found out about Chase, we headed to Sulphur for a quick trip for a happier occasion, although it, too, was connected to a loss. We attended the wedding of the younger siblings of two of Eric’s best friends from high school. (Obviously they’re my friends now, too, but Eric has original claim.) I don’t know the younger siblings so well, but Eric watched them grow up. Even so, we might not have been invited or able to go if not for Trey.

Eric’s best friend Trey died three years ago in a drunk driving accident, and his younger brother was the groom Saturday. Eric was there because Trey couldn’t be, and we wanted Curtis to have as many big brothers as possible on his big day. The wedding was beautiful and those lost were remembered.

It was a hard weekend and a rough start to the new year. Life gets harder as you grow up, I know, and you do lose people. But that doesn’t make the realization or actual losses any easier. Part of me wants to end this post with something encouraging -- a positive thought, a prayer, maybe something about relying on God.

I am relying on him, I am praying, I do have some positive thoughts and expectations for the new year. But they don’t belong at the end of this post.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

auld lang syne

Wow, have I really not blogged since October? My bad...

Since there are about 36 hours left of 2013, why don't I just stick with an end-of-year wrap-up? I'll stick with paragraphs this time instead of lists.

Every year is filled with ups and downs, I'm sure, but I have to say that this one started out pretty rough. I experienced some pretty serious health issues in just the first two months -- bacteria in my stomach that made me very sick and required 14 pills a day for a while to eliminate it. Then a miscarriage in February that really overlapped well with two half-marathons and the bacteria-induced upset stomach. Then more months of trying to get pregnant and not, which is a hard thing to experience (especially after losing a pregnancy) and one that's hard to understand if you haven't experienced it yourself. I did get to run another half-marathon in April with my cousin and YDR in Dallas, and I reached my goal time with a PR. And that was great.

But the second half of 2013 was much better than the first. Beginning with the obvious, we got pregnant! And that really just erases all the bad. It sounds sappy and untrue, but really it's harder to remember how bad I felt those months I didn't turn out to be pregnant now that I am. Same is true with morning sickness and (I hear) labor, and that must be true or we wouldn't keep doing this. It did not erase the miscarriage, and it won't. But there is so much joy now that there is little room for pain, and I'm so thankful for that. God is good. (By the way, it's a GIRL!)

Another HUGE and amazing milestone was my trip to Spain. It was something I always wanted to do, and it's still hard for me to accept that I did it. I loved spending that much time with my best friend, Heather -- we never spend that much time at once together -- and to experience a dream I've always had.


It's a short wrap-up, but mainly I'm just ready for 2014. Wishing a happy New Year to you and yours!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

rockabye

To continue my streak of one blog post a month (and to remind you I haven't forgotten this blog, I swear), here goes my one for October.

We're pregnant! Well, I am, but I don't want to leave Eric out seeing as he was involved and all. It's almost as much a change for him as it is for me. Almost. He doesn't have the morning sickness or several pairs of now too-tight pants.

Of course, we're incredibly happy! Yes, even with the morning sickness. I'm not happy about that, but I am so happy about this baby. Baby G is due June 2, so there's still a ways to go. Here's a look at our little miracle at seven weeks (I know it says nine, but it's seven). The arrows and "BABY" help you know it's not an alien or a smudge on the picture.


I'm hoping for a boy, and Eric's wishing for a girl. (Maybe it's because I've picked out the boy name and him the girl name. I definitely think there's at least a correlation.) We'll be SO happy either way, of course.

I got a journal to record all my thoughts during this pregnancy, and then my mom bought me one as well (great minds). And I did some recording... right at the beginning, especially when we couldn't tell anyone and I thought I might explode. But I've been so sick and tired all the time that I just haven't written. I think that's why I wanted to blog today. I thought I could at least do this. It's step one, OK.

I want to record the crappy parts, too. They're part of this -- the nausea, crazy emotions, missing wine, feeling fat, not being able to exercise (because of the nausea) -- all of it. I just want to remember this, and maybe record some of the greatness, too. There really is greatness.

I'll get there. Until then, thank God for blogs.

Monday, September 2, 2013

little sister, don't ya

Me: You busted my lip.
Bill: I did? How?
Me: Well, I bit you, but it was your fault.

Nothing like a weekend at Momma's to remind you that whether 10 or 26, you'll always be the little sister.